There’s no question that I’m wired different than my wife is. She says potato, I say po… french fries. 🙂 It’s likely that you’re wired different than your spouse also. When it comes to marriage compatibility, the Bible basically only says that a true Christian should marry a true Christian (2 Cor 6:14, 1 Cor 7:39). That’s it, but that says a lot.
Instead of finding a compatible mate, Christians are instructed to marry another Christian and become a compatible mate. Transformation requires the grace and power of Jesus – good news to those seeking marriage or those already married, as God does not leave change to our efforts. I read this today and thought I’d share it.
5 Questions for Married Couples Who Want to Become More Biblically Compatible
- What do you focus on more frequently, what’s wrong with your marriage or what’s right with it?
- When is the last time you did something intentional for your spouse?
- Do you believe God knew what he was doing when he had you marry your spouse?
- Do you need to repent of discontentedness and complaining in your marriage?
- Do you and your spouse pray together? Do you pray for each other?
If you’re a Christian, there’s a lot right about you because Jesus has saved you from God’s wrath and now owns you. You have every resource in Christ available to you (2 Peter 1:3). As a redeemed child of God, forgiveness and grace can flow freely from your heart allowing you to minister to your spouse’s weaknesses. But do you live that way?
Kindness and thoughtfulness strengthen marriage. Yet many couples feel entitled to speak harshly, be contemptuous, or withhold forgiveness. “For better or for worse” is not permission to sin. It takes faith and humility to respond graciously when you are angry, hurting, or misunderstood.
When marriage is difficult it can be tempting to think you made a mistake, forgetting marriage sharpens us, often in painful ways. Step back and remind each other what you appreciate and admire about one another. Chances are, those qualities are still there, but you have allowed sin and selfishness to creep in and cloud your view.
It takes a supernatural intervention by the Holy Spirit to make us thankful. Our tendency is to compare and complain. Thanksgiving is a lifestyle command in Scripture (Col. 3:15-17), not just a suggestion or holiday in November. What are you thankful about? What would it take for you to enjoy your spouse?
It’s difficult to grow hard-hearted and embittered toward someone you are praying for frequently. God will do his best work in your marriage when you are in prayer. Prayer acknowledges our need for God and worships him.